Im 21 and…

And I’ve got no idea what I’m doing in my life. I turned 21 this last August, It was my first time to not celebrate it. Maybe it’s a package you bring when you enter your 20s life. Party or small gathering doesn’t ever matter anymore. What matters is what you do the whole year with what age you have. And honestly, right now. I’ve got  no idea. What I am doing. Recently, I was hired to be a part time secretary in our church. I don’t really tell anyone about that, because sometimes I think I am not the best person to be in that position. It’s either they ask, “Why am I in that position? Do I even have what It takes to be a secretary” or they laugh as if it’s a joke. I’ve never really seen myself literally work for the church. Before I was just, there sitting in the crowd. Listening to the preaching, the next day I am part of the ministry then the next day I am the secretary. The Lord really has a thing for surprises. I like what I am doing in the church. I feel like it’s a training ground for me with the course that I am taking up now in college. Business Administration, I’m at my 3rd year. And I’ve got no idea where I am heading. My real state right now is that I am clueless. I don’t know what to do in my life. I feel like I am heading down to failure road. I don’t know what I am doing with my studies. I just got no clue with what I am doing. I am tired. I feel like I’ve been doing too much rest already. I still got no clue. My best friends are already tired of telling me to unwind, but seriously, I’ve been doing to much unwinding. And I still got no clue on what I should do next.  It feels like it’s an unending dilemma. One time, I’m that happy, excited and full of laughter and then at one moment, I feel as if my whole world is falling apart. I don’t deserve anyone to be kind to me. Hell, I don’t deserve anyone, to love me nor to be worried about me. What I am doing now, is my fault. I got no clue, I don’t know what to do.  Tired of running to my friends and telling them what I am feeling, because it’s either they’re tired of listening or they wouldn’t understand. I deactivated my Facebook account even my Twitter account, to avoid getting updates and to stop myself from posting what I feel because I know I’m only annoying them.  Lately, I’ve been doing things that I was not doing before. I’m not into drugs or whatever illegal thing you’re thinking of. It all started when I had this conflict late July. After that I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I am, what kind of a person I am. It’s really annoying that I’m feeling this. Thing are not getting well. And I am tired… I am almost tired of living. There’s too much uncertainty, loneliness and also that feeling of undeserving. I am thinking of running away from the people who shows me that they care. I am thinking of shutting them off my  life. I want to run to a place where nobody knows me and then, there get to know myself. I’m just so tired. Please pray for me, I have a huge feeling that this is just the beginning, there’s a lot more to come.

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A Letter For A Troubled Young Girl

Dear little girl,

Keep calm and Trust the Lord your Maker. I know you’re being provoked by your mind’s unecessary assumptions about him to you, But please be calm. If he really likes you, He’ll pursue you. Everything’s too fresh right now, and now I know we’re all too in a rush. Take it slow, enjoy the ride, enjoy the friendship. You’re assumptions are too much little girl, Calm your heart. Keep it close to the Lord, so when the right man comes, He will seek God first and know Him first before coming to you. God has His plans for you, You are going to make wonderful things in your singleness. He will make you do beautiful things for His glory. He will prepare that God’s best for you and reveal it to you when it is God’s time. Let God hold your heart little girl, Do not be in a hurry. Enjoy your singleness, Go out and eat with people whom you enjoy being with. Go out with yourself, discover yourself more, and do things you’re afraid to do. God goes with you wherever you go. You are capable of doing what you’re afraid to do because God is with you. You dont need someone just yet. The right person will come when God tells you it’s time. It will come at a time where you don’t expect it to come. So calm your heart, place your heart where God is. Focus you heart and mind where the Lord is. It will come little girl, it will come. At the right time. I pray for a calm heart for you little girl. ❤️ Enjoy being with Him, being in His presence. 

Love, Self

Salamat Narin At Nagtagpo

After 1 year I finally now have the courage to write about him, Haha! Yes! We’ve been victorious! You may see my past posts, and see how I was hurt and devastated with what happen to me and my last boyfriend. 

Now, I know he is happy with another girl. And I am happy that he is. 🙂 God has been faithful to me, He poured his self to me. Filling every space that has been left empty ever since that guy left me. I am thankful, because He has been with me all through the way. 

I am better now, God has been working in my life in ways I could have not imagined he will do. And every now and then, I am thankful for everyone who has been with me. In every step I took. Especially you, 🙂 

Thank you for breaking my heart, and making me realize that I need God more than anyone else. 

Thank you for making me feel as if I was the most beautiful person in your life.

Thank you for sharing with me those unforgettable memories. Those memories, where I though I wouldn’t do, but was made possible because of you. 🙂 
Letting you go has to be the bravest thing I ever did, I was so scared to let go of that someone who’s so dear to me. But I know God strengthened me in doing so because He has been preparing something best for me.

Thank you for sharing your life with me. I am inlove with God as of now. And am not ready to fall for someone else yet. But I know God is still working in my heart. ❤️ Thank you. I am praying for you. 

My Sunday Thoughts

Today was a fun a day, from service up until to after youth fellowship. I learned a lot from today that recently I have been struggling with, lately I’ve been over thinking about how people would see me. How they see me as a person, and today I felt as if God was talking to me and here some of His words that spoke to me.

 

SMALL GROUP

  • Oppositions are inevitable. No matter how willing you are to do that specific goal of yours, oppositions will always be there to pull you down. What really matters here is how you respond to the oppositions that you will face. It’s either you let it destroy you or challenge you.
  • My recent reactions when opposition comes in my way, I show my face of weakness or my spirit of being unmotivated and I’ve come to realize that in how I react on it, I am letting them win over me.
  • The Lord will fight for you. No matter what happens, the Lord will be there for you. As it has been said in Nehemiah 4:14  “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” Never be easily turned down by the sharp words of the enemies because it is the working of satan. Keep holding on to God’s words. (kapit ka lang skanya haha :))
  • Lastly, in times of opposition like this. Pray about it to the Lord, to strengthen you. For when you are doing the task that Lord is giving you, the Lord will sustain you. Because He knows that you are doing it for His glory. Take heart and believe in what He can do in your life. Pray and submit every plan that you have to him and he will take care of the rest.

 

SPIN FELLOWSHIP

  • Fear of man is a feeling of anxiety and anguish regarding what others think about us. Stop focusing on what others are thinking about you. You are pleasing God not the people around you. In thinking what others are thinking about you, it is not them who is experiencing the unending burden in your heart. It’s you. So redirect your focus to the Lord only.
  • When you experience peer pressure be reminded on how the Lord sees you. You do not need to conform on their ways just so can be one of the so-called cool kids. you can be a cool kid with doing the right things. Be the cool kid that the lord wants you to be, after wall, He’s the one who we meed to please and not the people around us.
  • Stop saying “yes” to everyone and then saying “no” to God. Why do we easily say “Yes” to people even if we know that what they are asking is against to what God wants us to do. Then say no to God whenever he wants us to do something that can glorify Him. We should be doing the other way around people, when we are facing times the struggle of always saying “yes” to people. Close your eyes then ask God for wisdom. Ask if what they’re asking you is worth your “yes”. Practice saying “No” too.
  • Just because everyone is going to the same way you should go with it too. Go to the other way and explore. Find the way which glorifies the Lord more.
  • Lastly, here are some of the practical ways to avoid Peer pressure. (1) Pray for confidence – To be able to go to the other way around and be able avoid what can dishonor the Lord. (2) Choose your friends – There’s this saying. Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are. so choose you group of friends. (3) Be creative – You do other things that can make your more creative than doing what people usually do that’s wrong.

So to therefore conclude, as what I’ve been struggling lately. There will always be oppositions, there will always be problems which can cause you to self destruct. But always redirect your eyes to the Lord. I also am being reminded that whatever happens as long as im doing things for the Lord, the Lord will be the one who’s going to fight for me. I just have to always run back to Him. For He will be the one to equip me in the trials that I will face. So, Keep on praying. Do not be afraid, The Lord is with you. He is going to be with you in the journey that you are going. Have faith! 5cb7a443f22ad004216b30ce32960ec4

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Have a nice week! God bless!

To The One Who Loves Me

as hard as things are going

I’ll never stop holding on to you

you never gave up on me

 

I may have ignored you many times

but I promise that my eyes will be focused on You alone

my time, my heart and my mind will be for You

 

I trust in You, in what plan you have for me

in what you are preparing for me

you are the one I love, the one I’ll forever cherish

 

bad times may come

but please remind me at times I am making a wrong choice

a choice that will lead me far from you

remind me of the promise I gave you

 

I am forever thankful to have you

overflowing happiness is what I have now because of You

a happiness that I could never find from anyone but you

 

this is something I wrote to express my love for you

thank you Lord my God

I am indeed a daughter of yours and

forever loved by you

I am yours and yours forever

 

a-daughter-of-god

 

 

 

Random Thoughts

So tonight im listening to spotify, to   “Best of 2000s”, And the weather was a little bit rainy this last nights. So it’s a bed-thinking-late-at-nights weather. And here’s some of the things that I’ve been thing lately.

  • Why does school have to be so complicated? Like why does everything have to be dued all at once. If there’s one thing that I suck at it’s multitasking. I mean, I cant do everything in a short span of time people (sorry for my ranting)
  • Lately, I’ve been having some struggles when it comes to friends. I dont hate them, I just get too uninterested with what they do. In school, I have few friends. And sometimes I even overthink, to the point that I think they think of me boring.
  • I am having less and less friends. I have few close friends who aren’t the same age with me. Well, it’s okay for me. It’s one way on how I can develop my personality. Be random with the friends that I choose.
  • Maybe one of the major things I’ve been thinking about lately is love. Not just about the love that we get from the opposite sex, but the kind of love that comes from our family, our friends, some strangers. How long will they be able to love us? Is it possible for a stranger to love us even though we wont give back what they deserve? and for our family, is it possible for them to give up on us easily? What does love really mean, I mean, we all our different people and we have our own different definitions about love. But what does love really mean?
  • One of the questions that’s been running in my mind is “what do I really want?” What exactly do I want? I feel like sometimes im just driven by the wants of my friends that im not able to distinguish what i exactly want in my life. Having my previous relationship, I got exactly what I wanted before. The kind of guy which i earnestly prayed to the Lord but then as time goes by, i got tired of everything. I didn’t get tired of his love. I just dont see the things I wanted in him to be the things I prayed for before. I mean, it’s still there consistency was 100% but it wasn’t what i wanted anymore. All of us wants our relationship to last right, but now I have that fear of knowing what if my next relationship would fail because i still dont know what I really want. That’s why now im just praying and waiting. To be helped by the holy spirit.

Alot of thoughts for a little girl like me, but im lifting every questions and random questions in my mind to the Lord, may He hold every thought that comes in my mind. Asking for prayers for everything! Thank you everyone! Godbless! 🙂

A Letter To the Girl Who Is Hurting

Dear little girl,

Stop crying, stop thinking of him every single night, stop seeking for his attention, Stop making a fool of yourself. He made his choice, and that choice was never to wait for you. Stop looking for him, stop thinking that he still loves you. News flash, little girl. He doesn’t anymore. You made the right choice, You were a brave girl to let go of someone you love. You were brave to say “no” to every question he asked. Even though your heart wants to scream that you want him, that you love him, that it’s him that you’ve been waiting for a long time. Stop thinking what if you said yes, what if you’re still together with him. You did the best thing. You know you had to let go, for a reason. Stop feeling hurt, you should have prepared yourself the day you had let him go. You should have prepared yourself to the reality that after you it’s possible that he would love another girl and that’s not you anymore. He is gone in the hands of someone else. You made the right thing little girl, do not be sad, You’re on the right track now. You’re on the track where the Lord has prepared for you. The Lord your God is proud of you. Lift your pain to Him. Let Him take care of you, of your heart. Little girl, It’s hard but everything is going to be worth it. We cannot settle for a person who cannot wait for us. It will only end to destruction. It will only end to emotional damage. So think of this as God saved you from a tragic ending. Always remember that, everyone’s love for you may fail, but God’s love doesn’t. His love endures forever. Pray to the Lord for your healing. It’s hard I know, but think of how wonderful God’s plan is for you. You will only break that wonderful plan if you let other things rule over you. Do not be deceived by your feelings, do not be controlled by your emotions. Focus your heart to the Lord, to what the Lord wants you to do. It’s going to be a long journey but with the Lord you can do it. It may take weeks, months or even years before you get over it. But together with the Lord, you may not even noticed it. After you have been healed now then you may be able to pray for that someone. One mistake you may have done is that you didn’t wait. Now, learn from that lesson and wait for who God has prepared for you. Pray for that someone who knows how to wait, pray for that someone who values his relationship with the Lord, pray for that someone who loves his family just how he loves God. That person will come on the right time that the Lord has planned for the both of you. Stop worrying little girl. God has not forgotten you, the Lord knows what you’ve been going through. Just have faith in Him and trust His timing. From now on, may we learn to wait. To wait for what God has prepared for you. He has a bigger and better plan for you. Do not get swayed by the patterns of this world. Go deeper on your relationship with Him. I cannot wait to see the better you soon. Godbless and have faith. He knows your heart, and he will never forsake you in your process of healing.

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Love,

Self